


Sacrosanct

by juneberries



Category: Men's Hockey RPF
Genre: Other, aliens with no gender, also an alien dies i hope thats okay, also the wild wild west, anal probing mention, but only god shall judge me, captain arkansas is sexy, mild drug use in chapter two
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-12-31
Updated: 2019-01-02
Packaged: 2019-09-30 23:04:36
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 5,388
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17232827
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/juneberries/pseuds/juneberries
Summary: A three-hour plane ride turns into pure adventure and romance for Tyler and Jamie. They weren't expecting this kind of escapade, however. Tyler certainly wasn't expecting Jamie's love interest to be an alien.





	1. Glimmering Beacon

The win against the Sharks came as a sigh of relief for the team, and it took their utmost efforts to maintain that 3-2 lead. The Stars always performed well at home, and next they had their plane ride to Vegas. As always, the boys were excited. Going to Vegas was quite a treat, for the Americans and Europeans both.

Boarding the plane to Vegas was typical, like any other trip. It was going to be quick, a three hour ride with economy-plus seating. Most guys sat in the same old spots. In this instance, however, things were a bit mixed up. Tyler noticed Alex sitting next to Val, but usually Tyler sat with Alex. Seating arrangements were already screwed up. Fuck.

“Hey, Spezz, could I sit with you?” Tyler asked, already putting his bag into the overhead bin.

Jason nodded, moving his leg a little bit. He already had headphones on, probably blaring George Strait or some emo country music. Tyler made himself as comfortable as he could on the outside seat. He watched as Jamie struggled to find an open seat. Finally, he found a seat towards the back of the plane next to an old man who was already snoring loudly. Tyler grinned to himself.

The plane departed at 6:30 pm, with the only delay being a crying child without boarded parents. Plane rides never unsettled Tyler, and usually, he kind of enjoyed sitting through turbulence. Some of the bumps from particularly tumultuous plane rides left him experiencing that weird jittery feeling right after a fight or even a hard shift. Tonight’s ride was very turbulent, and the bumps made his stomach feel weird. He looked over towards his seatmate whose eyes were fixed to the window. Jason wasn’t very talkative during plane rides. Tyler looked back towards his left. He noticed a girl seated across from him who was clenching her phone with a white-knuckled fist, and decided to make some small talk.

“Your first time?” He asked.

She responded with some side-eye.

“On a plane, I mean.” Fuck.

“Uhh, yeah,” she said. 

She pressed the home button on her phone to unlock it. Tyler knew the conversation was over. He looked up at the flight attendant filing past and modestly ran his hand through his hair. Of course he had to make things awkward. Tyler leaned back against the headrest, hoping to relax for the remainder of the three hour trip. Before his eyes had shut, though, another series of wild bumps shook the plane. Even well-seasoned passengers found themselves gripping the sides of their seats. Spezza took his headphones off and looked over the seats in front of them.

“What happened?”

“I don’t know. I think it’s just turbulence.”

Their hopes were extinguished, however, when the captain made an announcement over the PA system. His quavering voice was worrisome.

“Would all stewards please make way to the flight cabin?”

The fright on people’s faces was unmatched, and Tyler felt like he was going piss himself. It suddenly became hard to breathe, and a few people, including Spezza, began to struggle for air. The emergency masks came down all for naught. A bright light shone through the windows of the plane, followed by abrupt darkness. The atmosphere instantaneously became calm, and the plane became quiet. Tyler looked up ahead towards the flight cabin, waiting for the next notification from the crew. A tall blonde woman was seemingly shoved through the door. She stumbled towards the passengers, acting dazed.

“This flight has been compromised. If you are a human…being…who is able to perform physically demanding labor, please begin making your way towards the end of the plane-”

The cabin door slammed open. An older man walked behind the slim blonde lady and spoke to her in a hushed voice. He then walked away, and she started where she left off.

“We need all passengers to report to the economy cabin.”

People began to panic at this. Tyler heard people crying, yelling, and the occasional prayer. It didn’t feel like reality to him. The passengers did as they were bid to do, and headed in the direction towards the last cabin on the plane. Tyler felt as if he was floating. Yet, he could feel Jamie’s presence behind him. He hoped that his captain was okay, but he was too choked up to act on his sentiment.

Nearly everyone had gotten past the curtain from economy-plus to economy. Oddly enough, the destination seemed peaceful despite being filled with frightened passengers. Finally, Tyler passed through the curtain. The scene was not what he had expected at all. In fact, he wasn’t completely certain that he was in the plane anymore. While it was a relief not to be in immediate danger, Tyler felt so reassured that it was almost ludicrous. He walked over to where all his teammates had congregated.

“What the fuck is going on?” Tyler wondered aloud.

Brett was the first to respond.

“Fucking aliens, man. I’m not even kidding.”

“They said they’re going to ‘secure the services’ of anyone who is ‘capable of doing physical labor,’ which probably means just us.” John groused.

“Huh,” Tyler said, “maybe we’ll get probed.”

His teammates shut him down with some assorted death glares. As people began to chat and get comfortable, Tyler finally took note of the bright, nearly unending expanse of their location. Well, it was now apparent that they weren’t on the plane anymore. He turned around to see Jamie finally coming through the curtain, appearing as if he had been crying in the other cabin. Tyler wanted no more than to comfort him, honestly.

There was no time for consolation, however, because the minute Jamie met up with the team, something happened. The white curtain connecting the big white room to reality suddenly dematerialized. People began to disappear by the minute. An alien somehow presented itself in the center of the space. It spoke.

“Those who are still present will be put into service. All others who were not suitable for this task were safely brought home, please do not worry.  
“We have established a small task force consisting of physically fit and knowledgeable individuals for a research operation.  
“Most of you have a sports competition tomorrow, and you should be back in time for that. You will land on the plane in Vegas at the designated time. Our technology can allow us to travel beyond the typical constraints of time.  
“Any questions?”

Tyler raised his eyebrows in disbelief. Jamie had already began to rattle off with an apprehensive tempo.

“Will we be probed?” Tyler interrupted. “But really, what is this, some sort of alien-hostage drug run?”

If aliens could get pissed off, this one probably would be.

“That is exactly what it is, Tyler. We are researching the effects of various human drugs on our own bodies. We figured that human spies are a better option for infiltrating the human trap house.  
“Now, we will have one instructor for every two humans. Please partner up. We will do our best to explain what your individual jobs are in this operation.”

Everyone began to pair themselves off. Tyler realized that it was only the Stars who were taken, with the exception of a short brunette who appeared to be in her early twenties. She looked pretty scared. Actually, she looked kind of familiar, so Tyler was quick to pair up with her.

“Hi, my name’s Tyler.” He said with a smile.

“I’m Hazy,” the brunette quipped.

“Are you two ready to receive training?” A short, bald, light-skinned alien asked them. It had a feminine body with tall horns springing out behind its ears.

“I mean…I guess,” Hazy said.

“Yeah,” Tyler added, “What is this? Like, what species are you? And why are you trying to steal drugs?”

“We are collectively known as Normans in your language. We are taking samples of recreational human drugs to conduct research with. We selected this plane because professional human athletes are well-suited for the job. Also, Hazy’s knowledge will be at your benefit, Tyler.”

“Well that’s bullshit,” Hazy exclaimed with contempt in her voice. “I’m no smarter than anyone else on that plane!”

“Your job involves going to an area near Leech Lake, Minnesota, where you will be robbing a trap house. I’m sure that you’re familiar with this location, Hazy.”

Tyler looked at Hazy, confusion evident on his face.

“Uh…my friend goes to school there,” Hazy affirmed.

“So,” the alien carried on, “Tyler and his friends have no knowledge of anything we’re about to put you through. It was in our best interest that we recruit you, based on your upbringing and descendance.  
“This will not be a difficult operation, and it should only take a few hours. All we ask is that you do not kill anyone, or tell anyone about the aliens that abducted you. Infringements will result in imprisonment or death.  
“Now. Each of you will be assigned a particular role in the heist. It will be left up to our captain, Arkansas.” The she-alien looked at Tyler and Hazy individually, expecting some response, but she continued on her tangent when they remained silent. “You are dismissed. Arkansas is over by your own captain, Jamie. Unless you have other questions, of course.”

“Do you guys have genders? Are you a girl?” Tyler asked.

“No.” The alien walked away.

Tyler looked at Hazy, bewildered, but then they made their way over to the two captains. Immediately, Tyler noticed that Jamie was giving the alien a funny look, one that Tyler knew very well. It was his flirting look, and he knew personally that it made the recipient feel like the only person in the room. Jamie’s brows were all scrunched up, and he appeared to be listening very intently. As Tyler sidled over next to Jamie, his whole demeanor changed. Jamie stretched, cracking his back, and looked up towards the ceiling. Tyler rolled his eyes.

“So uhh…what’s the scoop?” Tyler deadpanned.

“Hazy and Tyler,” Arkansas spoke in a silvery voice, “I have assigned you both to carry out the main portion of the robbery. Is this alright?”

Hazy snorted. “Do we have a choice, really?”

“Of course,” Arkansas purred.

Hazy shrugged. Tyler, on the other hand, shook his head. “What will we be doing?”

“You will measure the samples of heroin, meth, and cocaine,” Jamie broke in. “About two kilograms of each.”

“And what are you doing, Jamie?” Tyler menaced.

“Uhh…” Jamie swallowed. “I’ll be with Arkansas.”

“Totally. Alien’s deputy Jamie Benn. Of course.”

Hazy cocked an eyebrow. “Are you two done?”

“Yeah,” they both said.

Captain Arkansas began chanting in a monotonous tone. It suddenly became very cold, and before anyone could speak, they were transported to the Norman spaceship.  
It was a small aircraft, small enough that everyone was relatively cramped. The material that the spaceship was made out of looked like dull aluminum foil. Tyler repressed an urge to touch anything.

“Travel has been initiated for arrival in three minutes,” a tall alien with shaggy gray fur mumbled.

“Everyone knows what they will be doing, correct?” Arkansas asked. No one said anything. “Time- and space-travel are intermittent, and may cause nausea in a number of human beings. Shutting your eyes tightly may help.”

Tyler looked around the alien cockpit. He stifled a laugh, because of how ill Mattias and Esa looked. Both of them had their eyes closed. He noticed all the buttons and controls behind the alien who was driving, and wondered what they did.

“Arrival in forty-five seconds,” Hairy Alien grumbled.

Taking a deep breath, Tyler clenched and unclenched his fist. Arkansas scrambled for something below the ship’s control panel, and handed the object to Hazy. It was a scale, one that was used to measure out weed.

“Ten seconds.”

It began to get cold again, to Tyler’s consternation. The world felt like it was spinning around in circles, so he closed his eyes. White noise, akin to humming, began to get louder and louder. Finally, there was blast of white light, and everything stopped.


	2. Love Serum

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Tyler hoped that the drug heist would go as planned. Naturally, as things like to go, it didn't.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The plot for Trailer Park Boys makes a candid appearance in this chapter, so there are drugs. Some drugs were also smoked. Yet, no animals or hockey players were harmed in the making of this chapter.

Tyler heard crickets and the croaking of frogs before he opened his eyes. They were in the middle of the woods. It was only his team, Hazy, and that weird alien Captain Arkansas that wanted to probe Jamie. He looked down at Hazy, reading her expression. She had pink eye makeup on, he noticed. Most people would think Hazy was cute. Tyler certainly did.

“It appears that nobody is home,” Captain Arkansas intoned. “The heist must begin.”

Brett was the first to start walking towards the yard light beyond the trees. Tyler liked Brett a lot, even though they didn’t talk unless they were both going out for drinks with the team. He was sexy, in a weird crackhead-redneck-baseball-player sort of way. Brett approached the heist location. It was a double-wide trailer house, and its windows were boarded shut.

“Why doesn’t it have windows?” Tyler wondered aloud.

“It does, you dumbass, the tweakers living in it boarded them up because they get paranoid,” Hazy snapped.

“Jeez, sorry I asked,” Tyler griped. “Do you even know who I am?”

“Pfft, yeah,” Hazy replied. “I went to one of your games before with my friend.”

“The same friend who goes to school around here?”

“Yeah, actually,” Hazy asserted.

They stopped talking for a minute as they watched Brett open up the skirting of the trailer house. He started wrenching on something. There was a popping noise as a hose burst, and then some clipping noises. Brett walked over to the back door and opened it with no complications. Of course Brett had the job of breaking into a house. Actually, he did kind of look like a seductive bank robber. At least to Tyler.

“The real question is if you know who I am,” rejoined Hazy. They walked towards the open screen door, creaking as it blew in the wind.

“Uhh…” Tyler wasn’t sure where he had seen Hazy before, but she did seem familiar.

“You threw me a puck, remember? Christ.” She slammed open the door.

“Oh, yeah! That game in Minnesota last year.” Tyler laughed. “No, I remember that. You were yelling super loud.”

Hazy responded with a huff. Finally they were inside. Spezz and Roman cut in front of the two of them, rather curtly. The team veterans went one way, while Hazy and Tyler crept towards the bedrooms. Tyler opened a door. They stepped inside, and fumbled for a light switch.

Holy shit.

“I didn’t know there were people here!” Shout-whispered Tyler.

“Shut the fuck up!” Hazy hissed, but it was too late.

There were two beds in the room they had entered, both inhabited by male druggies. They both had been woken abruptly. One of them rubbed sleep from his eyes. The other one, however, cocked a handgun he must’ve had under his pillow.

“Don’t fucking move!” He shouted.

“Fuck!” Tyler screeched, moving, of course.

The two of them barely had time to scramble out of the doorway before guns began firing. Tyler dove towards the open door, his ears ringing. Hazy stumbled down the steps. Brett stared wide-eyed at them, disbelief on his face.

“Hey!” Tyler bleated to the alien, or rather, no one in particular. “I thought you said no one was home!”

The alien, Captain Arkansas, moved quickly towards the door. He followed the gunshots tout de suite, and the door closed forcefully behind him. The boarded up window panes cracked as a sudden flash of light broke through the window and door frames. A suspenseful minute passed. Tyler swore he could smell burnt toast.

Arkansas kicked the door open, holding two bodies that could easily be identified as Roman and Jason. He rushed towards the woods.

“Oh my god!” Someone screamed. “Are they dead?” It was probably Mattias.

“Mortally wounded,” said the alien. “I can heal them before your human sports game.”

Fucking weird. Tyler took a deep breath, feeling his heartbeat pulse in his ears.

“Continue the heist. The trap house occupants are stunned, and will not remember a thing.”

Tyler squinted distastefully at Arkansas. But, following the orders that were given, he and Hazy strode back towards the house. They would measure out those drugs that Jason and Roman had hopefully found, and then get the fuck out of there. They climbed the steps back into the house, and walked towards the kitchen where Jason and Roman were. Yeah, there were the drugs.

“Oh, is this hot cocoa?” Tyler dipped his pinkie into a chocolate-brown powder.

“No!” Hazy raced to stop him from licking his finger. “That’s heroin. Jesus Christ.”

“I’m hungry,” whined Tyler.

Hazy rolled her eyes. She pulled the scale out of her sweater pocket, setting it on the countertop. They made quick work of measuring a couple kilos of the heroin, meth, and coke. Tyler gasped when he saw Hazy slyly pocket some of the weed on the counter.

“What?”

Tyler shrugged. “I don’t know.”

“Well what, do you want to smoke some? Damn,” Hazy reposted.

“I can’t…because of my...” Tyler trailed off as Hazy opened various drawers.

“Well, would you look at that,” Hazy smiled. “A hash joint! And a lighter!”

“I’ve never smoked hash before though.”

“It’s just resin, basically.” Hazy flipped her hair behind her shoulders. She held the joint up to her lips, and lit it up. She offered it to Tyler after taking a couple baby hits.

He snatched it out of her hands, sighing dramatically. He took a long drag on the joint, surprisingly without coughing.

“Woah…this is potent,” Tyler noted. He exhaled slowly, passing the joint back.

They puffed, puffed, and passed, up until they both burned their fingers on the roach.

“Wow.” Tyler peered at his heist partner with slightly red-tinged eyes. “Now what?”

“What did I do,” Hazy simpered. “You’re going to be fucked up for days. You’re too skinny for all that hash!”

“It’s not my fault that I’m light! I have to be,” Tyler giggled.

Hazy pursed her lips. “Well,” she started, “I think it’s time we get back to the others. It’s been, like, an hour. And you’re high as fuck,” She added.

“You’re low as fuck,” Tyler answered. “What are you, five-one? Five-two?”

“Stop.”

“Offended much?”

Hazy wanted nothing more than to retaliate, but she held her tongue. She grabbed the plastic wrapped lumps of drugs and started walking towards the back door. Tyler trailed behind her, and almost ran into her when she stopped promptly in her tracks.

“What?” Tyler said, a little too loud.

One of the trap kings had regained some of his fucked up cognizance, and was currently clambering towards a handgun on the floor. Hazy speeded over to him and stomped on his hand a couple times, evoking some cries from the semiconscious thug.

“Here!” She shouted to Tyler, throwing the drugs to him.

He almost caught them all, but had to scoop one of the packages off the ground. He scampered to the exit, but halted in the doorway and turned around. Tyler watched the tail-end of Hazy knocking the guy out with his own handgun, and then she proceeded to pull him by his ankles back into the bedroom. He wheezed when she kicked the poor fellow in the skull a few times, before shutting the door and catching up to Tyler. 

“Let’s go.”

They sauntered back to the group, ready to get back on that godforsaken spacecraft that landed them there in the first place. At this point, Tyler could tell that he was high out of his mind, and his teammates would definitely lambaste him for that. He was his own person, though, and their savage remarks never got to him.

The first thing Tyler saw was Jamie talking up that fucking Arkansas alien again. Yeah, it did make him a little pissed. Jamie was his very good friend, but lately he wasn’t paying much attention to their relationship. He was peeved that the stupid aliens were better friendship material than himself, really.

“We got your fucking drugs,” huffed Hazy grumpily, “I want to get to Vegas now. Don’t wanna miss my flight.”

“Of course,” Alien Bastard said. “Board the ship.”

It wasn’t there, but all of a sudden it appeared with the snap of alien fingers. The entrance dropped towards the ground, and a set of little stairs fell with it. Pink-tinted steam rose from the opening. Everyone hopped aboard, Hazy and Tyler getting on last.

“Why don’t you come to our game? Don’t leave!” Tyler sputtered, completely out of character.

Well that was weird.

“I don’t have the money, or time, for that matter.” Responded Hazy. “I would though.”

“It was fun seeing you, at least.”

“Initiating launch in two minutes’ time,” Hairy Alien guttered in that ugly voice of his.

Tyler didn’t know if it was smoking all that hash or what, but he suddenly felt like leaving Hazy would tear his heart to pieces. His attention was diverted, however, when he saw Jamie and Arkansas slam into the control panel in a fiery embrace. Then, something happened.

The shaggy alien spoke obliquely in a foreign language, presumably cursing his captain for tongue-wrestling with Jamie. The ship began careening towards the house, but then shot up suddenly. It started to spin in circles, causing Tyler to start retching.

“I don’t wanna leave you!” Jamie cried to Captain Arkansas.

The atmosphere swelled to a humid, scalding magnitude. There was that burnt toast smell again. Everything turned white, then time seemed to stop once more.

Tyler fell to his knees, coughing up a fit. He could tell there was sand everywhere. It sifted through his fingers as he choked through the dust in his lungs. Feeling some relief, he breathed deeply, sat up, and cracked open an eye.

He immediately fell back onto his ass, because someone had their gun barrel poked against his head.

“Don’t shoot me! I’m-”

“Are you an alien?” Drawled the stranger.

“What? No!” Tyler eyed the man who was pointing the gun at him.

He came to the realization that the ship just have malfunctioned. This guy was decked out in buckskin chinks, a red wool shirt, and had a leather gun holster at his hip. Holy fuck. It couldn’t be.

“What year is this?” Asked Tyler.

“Why, it’s God’s year Eighteen-hundred-and-seventy. You must be one of those folks from the future. My name’s Newly. They’re all in town.” The man spun on his heel and walked towards a horse nearby. He raised his boot to the stirrup and climbed onto the saddle.

Tyler drew in a deep breath, rubbing his eyes.

“Well?” Newly stared at the interloper. “You best come into town with me. Get on.”

He did as he was ordered, trying his hardest to get up behind the saddle. After Newly had to physically drag Tyler onto the horse, he touched up the reins and sent the horse loping towards town. Tyler held onto his cowboy friend’s waist, afraid of falling off. He could feel the horse’s legs moving beneath his ass. It was going to be a rough ride.


	3. Hitching Rail

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Newly didn't know. Okay, and Arkansas is still in love.

Newly wrested free from Tyler’s grasp with a visceral shake. His horse pinned her horse ears.

“For the last time, son, you aren’t gonna fall off!”

They had gone several miles towards town since Newly had found the spacecraft’s wreckage. Really, the way he had been handling things was nonsensical. Inane folks that came from the future, aliens that shrieked and withered away in the sunlight, and newfangled technology that only God could possibly understand. Despite all of this, Newly was the town’s constable, and he was bound to take care of any problems within the county.

Eventually, although his cowpony was well broke, Tyler’s lack of riding skill became intolerable. The first crowhop sent Tyler flying off her rump into the dirt. Newly rode through her bucking and snorting with ease. Finally his horse calmed down, but she wouldn’t let Tyler near her.

“You’re gonna have to hoof it from here,” Newly sighed.

He chose to ignore Tyler’s incessant whining, because they would be in the streets of Oatman within a half hour. Newly didn’t know how those futuristic people lived, but he was certain that they could walk for two miles.

Oatman’s streets were naturally empty, due to the alien landing. Those who didn’t skip town outright were hiding out in their houses, probably with their gun barrels sticking out the windows. Newly’s refugees, both alien and human, had set up shop in the saloon. Surprisingly, the saloon’s regulars didn’t mind the aliens. The aliens were respectful and spoke decent English. The time-travelers rattled on about ‘Instagram’ this and ‘pre-game’ that.

“Your friends are in the saloon over there,” Newly pointed out.

He swung his leg over the back of the saddle and jumped down from his horse. As he began walking his mare to the livery, he could feel Tyler’s eyes staring him down. He stopped, and turned around.

“Do you need anything?”

“Well you don’t listen to me,” Tyler said. “I wanted to know if my friends are okay. And how will I be getting home?”

“Everyone survived. And I don’t have any clue how you’ll be getting home. I’m not an alien machinist.”

He took stride again, walking over to the stables. Tyler followed him. Newly headed for the saloon after he handed his horse off to the groom, reckoning that he could try to help the interlopers get home. Again, Tyler strung along with him, following close behind.

Newly peered over the saloon doors before going in, taken aback by the current condition the time-travelers were in. One was nursing a bad wound above his brow, and a few of them were just plain beaten up. The aliens were in particularly terrible shape, riddled with festering burn wounds from the sun.

“Tyler’s here!” Someone exclaimed.

Tyler walked over to the poor lad with the head injury and spoke quietly to him. It seemed as if he had been crying.

“Have they found a way back to the future yet?” Newly heard Tyler say to the wounded gentleman.

“No, they’ve been doing repairs to their spaceship,” twined the man. “Their pilot is dead. He was the only one who knew how to operate it.”

“Not even Arkansas?” Tyler asked.

“No,” he responded with a grimace.

Tyler shook his head, before finding a chair. He sat at a nearby table and struck up a conversation with a dainty brunette lady, who looked relatively unscathed. Newly felt like he should probably try to help, so he went over to the fellow that Tyler was just talking to. Maybe he could fill him in, tell him what was going on.

“I’m Newly McCarthy.”

“Jamie,” was the response.

“Is there anything I can do to help?” Newly asked.

“Some of us need to see a doctor,” Jamie said.

“Yeah, I can go get Doc,” Newly said. “I’ll be back.”

He ran across the street to Doc’s house, then rapped loudly at the door. A few minutes later, Doc answered, wiping his hands clean with a rag.

“Need something?”

“Doc, you aren’t gonna believe this,” Newly started. “You best grab your physician’s bag.”

It took Newly about ten minutes to explain to the older man what was going on, but he was ready to help nonetheless. They set out for the saloon, dusk setting in. Upon entering, Doc was ready to tend to all the injured folk. Once he got all the humans patched up, he turned towards the aliens.

“I’m not sure if I can aid y’all in any way other than relieving some of that pain,” Doc spoke somberly.

“We’re okay,” one of the aliens said. “Our bodies will mend themselves. What we need is someone to control our spacecraft’s flight path.”

“Why,” Doc posited, “Newly was fit to be an engineer for the Transcontinental Railroad!”

“I don’t know if I could operate alien machinery,” spoke Newly, shaking his head. 

He paused, looking at all these strangers. Individuals with spouses and children and parents and friends. People who needed these strangers back home.

“But I can take a look at the craft,” Newly continued. “It doesn’t hurt to try.”

The alien led Newly out the backdoors of the saloon, where the aircraft sat. A couple aliens were making repairs some nodules on the bottom of one wing. One of them glowed in the dark.

“Open its doors,” the alien ordered.

The doors dropped with a hydraulic hiss, and Newly followed the alien inside. The entrance led directly to the cockpit. Newly marveled at the flight controls, at first not comprehending a single damned thing about the ship.

“All I know,” the alien said, “is how to start it. I don’t know how to time-travel.”

“Nor do I,” muttered Newly. 

He ran a hand over the smooth control panel, and jumped when the spaceship began to hum.

“What’d you do?” The alien pondered.

“I...don’t know,” Newly said. “But I think I can get you folks home if I try. If God bids me.”

“I shall get the others, then.” The alien nodded, then jumped out of the doorway.

Newly stood alone in the spacecraft, listening to his own heartbeat. The craft had no interior lights, and he felt as if he was suspended in the dark like a skunned-out beeve. He held his hand over the control panel again, causing the ship to sink low to the ground. It stopped when the stairs hit the dirt.

The people he was about to try and rescue boarded the ship, one by one. All of the aliens, except for the one Newly had talked to, went into another compartment that was most likely for engine maintenance.

“If everyone’s here, then we can leave,” spoke Newly.

When no one objected to leaving, he waved his hand over the craft’s control. It shot up towards the sky, and slowed down when Newly wanted it to. Newly had a fundamental understanding of the flight controls, for some unknown reason. It made his head hurt. The ship itself looked all too familiar to him, and suddenly, he realized what he needed to do in order to bring his crew back home.

What he was about to do was sacrosanct. He closed his eyes, hoping that it would be over quickly. The alien behind him seemed to catch on as Newly struck the control panel with both fists.

“What the fuck are you doing?” Tyler screamed.

Newly’s bloodied hands grabbed for the sparking wires in the dashboard. He ripped a couple apart, then found what he was looking for. The time-travel module.

“Here, put in the time,” Newly said to the other alien.

Captain Arkansas set the time for Hazy and the Stars to land in Vegas with the rest of the flight. He handed the module back to Newly, who promptly pressed on a couple of its buttons. He raised the component to his mouth, and swallowed it.

He and the ship exploded as everyone else projected forward into history.

* * *

“Is everyone okay?” Captain Arkansas asked.

Except it wasn’t Captain Arkansas anymore.

“Holy shit, Bish, you’re the alien!” Tyler gasped.

Tyler looked around at the flight they had originally started on. Everyone appeared to be back on the plane, just like normal. Except…

Newly had transformed into an alien, and sacrificed himself to bring them home. Captain Arkansas took the form of netminder Ben Bishop. Why?

“You know why, Tyler.” Alien Bish said. “I need to keep tabs on you and your friends.”

Tyler shook his head. He looked around, and found Hazy a couple seats ahead of him. He really needed to get her phone number once they left the plane. If they remained friends, then they could talk about this wild incident. His teammates would probably never talk about this experience ever again, and that shit just wouldn’t fly. Being abducted by aliens was one thing, but having one as your teammate was entirely different.

“At this time,” the pilot said, “we will be experiencing some minor turbulence as we ready for landing. Please be sure to fasten your seatbelts if they aren’t already.”

The league’s just weird, Tyler thought to himself. Life's just weird.

**Author's Note:**

> I didn't have this beta'd because I have no friends, but I don't think anyone will care. Also. I love you, Hazy. Mino-oshki-biboon!


End file.
